ENERGY

      I need a lot of energy to do what I have to do with my remaining years - especially raising my three little boys.

     As I write this, my youngest son Zane is in the hospital with pneumonia. He's had a cold and a cough lately. But this afternoon he took a turn for the worst. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and was throwing up constantly. Poor kid. I was really scared, like I was when Callahan had pneumonia as a little guy.

     Aspen is at the hospital with him now. She won't ever leave her babies alone. I'm staying here at home with the two older boys. First I had to clean up the mess in Zane's bed and on all his clothes. Then I had to cook our dinner. Now we're just sitting around, waiting to hear from Aspen. None of us want to go to sleep; we're all so worried about Zane.

     Today, I have the energy for all this, but then I have to have this much energy, or more, for all my remaining years. I'm seventy-four year old now, and, at my age, the tasks ahead of me are daunting, especially the long range task of helping my son Jake, the one with muscular dystrophy, to live his life high and positive.

     I also have to be here for my other two boys, Callahan and Zane - and my two older kids too. I need to be here for at least another twenty years - and strong and healthy for all that time too. I believe I can do this. My dad was still going strong at ninety-two when he ran into a parked car. Even then and all broken up inside, he lived another three months in the hospital.

     Unlike my dad, I have something to live for. His wife, my mother, was dead, and he had alienated the rest of his family. He was alone and lonely and becoming increasingly bitter. I have Aspen and our three sons. I have four powerful reasons to stay strong and healthy and live to a ripe old age.

      At the same time Callahan was born, a friend of mine began caring for his dying parents. They died. He died soon after. Thanks to Callahan and his brothers, I'm still alive and going strong. Death begets death. Life begets life.

     Every atom in our bodies is replaced every five years. The material substance of our bodies is not what keeps us alive. It is the pattern that molds these atoms together into our bodies. And it is our energy that holds the pattern. As long as we have enough energy, our bodies will continue to exist. When our energy goes, the pattern can no longer hold the atoms of our bodies together and we die.

     Because of all this, I've been thinking a lot about energy. In particular, how can I maintain consistently high quality energy for the rest of my time here? And what shall I do with it besides raising my three sons to become good, brave and honest men?

     I love writing and editing The Caldron. I'll probably keep doing this as long as I'm here. I also love adventuring in both the inner and in the outer realms. I'll definitely keep doing this too. I'd also like to help others become high and conscious. I do this best as a kitchen table holy man, sitting around the kitchen table with folks, keeping the conversation high. And of course, I intend to leave this world in better shape than it was when I first arrived here all those many years ago.

     But then, how can I achieve and maintain a consistently high level of energy? How can any of us do this?

     When I used to do a lot of acid, I did so mostly because it gave me a very high level of energy for a time. Whenever I did it, I was always positive and high. However, I finally gave up on my quest to maintain that level of high just by doing acid. I realized that I would have to reach that level by my own efforts. Acid then became just one of many disciplines that I have used to acquire and maintain a stable and high level of energy.

     So how can we achieve and maintain a constant and balanced level of energy, high enough to stay positive without ever burning out?

     We are naturally high energy beings when we are completely ourselves, when we are not incomplete part persons because we have suppressed or repressed a part of our nature. We can acquire a lot of energy by releasing the energy tied up in attempting to deny contents of our consciousness that do not fit in with who we think we are or wish to be. When we release this energy by being open to our entirety, we find that we have much more energy available to consciousness.

     Doing acid by myself and staying open to whatever has come to me, as well as listening to and understanding my dreams have always been the best ways for me to do this. Both have helped me to journey to the deepest levels of consciousness.

     I have also consulted the I Ching for the past forty-five years. This holy book has taught me to recognize the patterns in my life (the sixty-four hexagrams, with all their permutations.) I no longer waste energy trying to control my reality or its flow. The I Ching has led me to the Tao, to my own paths with heart.

     I have done yoga and have meditated for as many years. Both disciplines have helped to stay in touch with my body, to recognize and to let go of any tensions that are blocking the natural flow of energy through my body and keeping me from being high. They have each been a large reason behind my continued robust health.

     Acid has also played a role in my good health. Years ago, it led me back to a time in my life, when as a young boy I had briefly died. It helped me to confront that little boy's terrible fear, still within me and holding me back from my here and now life. Acid helped me find the courage to face this crippling fear and finally to defeat it.

     I have also hunted for power in Don Juan's sense, as he taught Carlos Castaneda. (Energy as I've used it here in this essay is the same as what Don Juan called power.) I have wandered in the woods alone and let the world's mysteries speak to me. I have talked with trees, especially the big Junipers in the High Sierras of California. I have learned much from them. One giant tree told me that I thought too much, that I needed to stop and listen. It told me that I was missing too much of what was going on around me. I have listened since. I have listened to the creek's song too. And I have my own songs now.

     And of course, I try to be body as much as I can. I used to run, but now I walk. I hike in these beautiful and nearby mountains whenever I can. I ride my bike too. I also lift weights. I have done so since I was nineteen years old in the Air Force. I have found over the years that the more I exercise, the more energy I have.

     These are the ways I have used to acquire and maintain my own energy over the years, the ones I plan to continue using. Of course, there are many more ways to do this. The ones that I have used are merely those that have flowed from my own nature. Each of us must find the ways that flow from their own nature.


     What would it be like to live with consistently high energy? For one thing, we would always be positive and in the flow; our lives would always be simple and easy. Most if not all of the difficulties of our lives are due to low energy.

     Energy levels affect feelings, attitudes, degree and quality of consciousness, and certainly physical health. High energy always leads to positive attitudes, kindness, physical health, happiness, and even joy. Low energy always leads to negative attitudes, meanness, serious illnesses, depression, and even suicide.

     High energy connects us to Spirit and the Tao. Following Spirit, our lives become simple and easy. Low energy disconnects us from Spirit and from almost all of reality. We become stuck in our disconnected and fearful minds and seldom if ever see what is really going on around or within us.

     High energy attracts positive energy to itself while low energy repels everything positive. When we are high energy, when we are enthusiastic, we attract others to us. As the I Ching says in the Hexagram Enthusiasm,

     "The Source of Enthusiasm.
     He achieves great things.
     Doubt not.
     You gather friends around you.
     As a hair clasp gathers the hair."


     The question now becomes how then to use our high energy to further ourselves and the world. One way involves our attention and where we place it in the world. Attention is one form of energy, directed energy. Once we have acquired sufficient energy, we can then direct it outwards into the world.

     Our children vie for our attention, especially our positive attention, although they will take any. Our partners and friends vie for it too. And out in the larger world of nature, all other life is very aware of our attention. And if we are high energy and kind, they also vie for it. If we are not, however, they avoid us.

     We can also use this high level energy for larger purposes. We can direct it towards a spiritual understanding of the workings of the universe. By "profoundest inner concentration" we can lead this world itself back onto the Tao.

     As the I Ching says in the Hexagram Contemplation, "Contemplation of the divine meaning underlying the workings of the universe gives to the man who is called upon to influence others the means of producing like effects. This requires that power of inner concentration which religious contemplation develops in great men strong in faith. It enables them to apprehend the mysterious and divine laws of life, and by means of profoundest inner concentration they give expression these laws in their own persons. Thus a hidden spiritual power emanates from them, influencing and dominating others without their being aware of how it happens."

     By Eugene Marks