INTIMACY IN THE MIDDLE EAST

     The question comes up: "What's so great about the Middle East?" We've heard that Islamic Arabs are frightening fundamentalists, terrorists perhaps, who deny equal rights to women. Having just returned from Jordan and Palestine, and having traveled previously in Egypt and Morocco, I can give you some more positive impressions.
     Eyes are windows into the soul. I seldom experience the open channel here in America that I find in the Middle East. Or if the window opens for a moment, we shy away and detach our gaze. Looking into my Bedouin musician friend Hussein's eyes while he plays a song for me is like drinking sweet nectar seasoned by centuries of gentle wisdom. Broadband wide-open soul-level eye contact can continue unbroken for many minutes. Watching mothers or fathers with their children, no matter what their ages, I see a loving connection so intense that we "westerners" could feel embarrassed to allow it. The sweet wet glances of women I pass on the street, even if viewed only through a slit in their veil, tell me that there is a very vibrant being inside.
     When I recently left Amman, Jordan, and boarded an airplane staffed by European flight attendants. I immediately felt starved for the eye contact connection which is standard in the Middle East. It made me realize that we "westerners" guard our emotional availability by comparison. Our souls seem shrouded and rather grey because of this guarding.
     Women in the Middle East are worshipped for their beauty and wisdom by their husbands and sons and brothers. Most would not trade places with "western" women who have entered the "man's world." To do so would do violence to their softness and femininity. And their husbands would not wish such hardship upon them. Not all Arab women are being forced to dress as they do. The now almost ubiquitous "hijab," or head-scarf, can be a way of showing their pride in their traditional, and now threatened, way of life. Covering themselves allows them to feel softer and more precious, which they are, to their families and close friends.
     When I have been befriended and invited into Arab households, I have discovered that the women soon shed their "street clothes" and they can be naturally very intimate and sensual. They may come and cuddle up next to me even though they really hardly know me. Of course it does help that I can sing a song with them if we reach the limits of my Arabic or their English. Also I notice that woman-to-woman relationships are cultivated in deep soul-sister ways . . . not gradually, but immediately. It's as if in America we display a lot of externally flirtatious behavior, but when the initial strutting is finished we put up walls and slam ourselves shut. It feels like the Middle Eastern way is to look more deeply into souls through the eyes and then continue to honor that presence. Maintaining psychic contact with someone with sustained eye contact feels safe. I don't know why this is.
     Young men in their 20's walk down the streets holding hands. They find it natural and easy to be close to one another. The women cluster together in public also, frequently out doing some shopping with their children in groups of 7 or 8. It is not so common for men and women to display sensual affection with each other in public. It's almost as if there are two worlds: the marketplace world where men are juicy with other men and women are juicy with other women, and the household world where men and women are juicy with each other. I do not get the impression that Arabic women are ruled by their men. When a woman has her say, she gets her way. Most men seem to regard women with awe as though they were sacred creatures.
     The women on the bus, public transportation, may pass their babies to each other whether they know each other or not. They will pass them with equal enthusiasm to "western" women who happen to be on the bus in an effort to extend friendship and include all women in this sisterhood. The babies seem to enjoy this adventure. They don't seem to experience sudden panic related to "being away from mommy."

Cameron Powers