RAMBLINGS FROM THE EDGE

     The following are excerpts from Eugene's inspiring book, Ramblings from the Edge. These excerpts include the book's preface and the introductions to each of its three Buddhist-like movements--"First there is the mountain," "Then there is no mountain," and "Then there is the mountain."
     If you like what you see here and wish to read Eugene's book in its entirety, you may purchase it, either on disc or as paper copy. The cost for the disc is $27. The cost of the hard copy is $55. You may place your order by e-mailing us here at The Caldron.

PREFACE

     The Taoists say that when we first begin to wake up, "when spirit and power are still scattered and confused," the doings of ordinary life are a hindrance to the work. Our ordinary lives distract us when we should be awake and focused upon the light.
     However, they go on to say, "a man ought not to give up his calling in life as a citizen.... When the work is so far advanced that secret confirmations are experienced, it does not matter if, at the same time, the ordinary affairs are put in order, so that one can fulfill one's karma." (The Secret of the Golden Flower, p. 57-8)
     Once we have begun the spiritual path, ordinary life is a distraction and is not relevant for our spiritual growth. But later, when we have created our immortal diamond body, ordinary life should again be real and important, so that we may fulfill our life obligations. As the Buddhists say:

First there is the mountain,
Then there is no mountain,
Then there is the mountain.

     Once there was a mountain. I was a husband, father, and practicing psychotherapist. I was married, father to my young son Jonathan, and working with my clients in the ordinary reality of Southern California. Then my wife left me, taking Jonathan with her. Soon after that, the Jungians found out about my use of LSD and asked me to leave their training program. My life fell apart.
     The mountain crumpled then, and I became a wanderer, living outside the law and working full time on my personal and spiritual development. I left ordinary reality far behind.
     Now the mountain has returned to my life. I am married and a new father again--to my young sons Callahan and Jake. And I have my work of writing too. I have returned to the mundane world once again, but now I am a more conscious and whole being.
     Here's the short version of how it all happened.

FIRST THERE WAS THE MOUNTAIN

     When I was seven years old, I became very sick. I had double pneumonia, meningitis and polio--all at once. And while they were operating on my head to remove an infected mastoid bone, my heart stopped. Although I was supposedly unconscious under the ether, I still felt the change. I began to panic. But then, as I was falling through that dark and endless space, I heard a calm and comforting voice say that there was no bottom and to turn the falling into flying. I did so then and began to float blissfully towards the great white light before me.
     After I returned to life, my dad and I had trouble relating. I had gone from being a normal outgoing little boy to being a shy and reclusive bookworm. He really tried. He took me fishing, although he hated being out on the water. He built my brother and me a miniature golf course. He even built us a regulation sized baseball field on the back of the farm where we lived after we had lost our house to pay for all my doctor and hospital bills.
     It was easier for me to relate to my mother, although she laid a lot of emotional stuff on me that she wasn't able to share with my father. She was very unhappy and loved me too much. However, her tragic life didn't begin with her marriage. It began when she was still a child and had to hide her psychic abilities from everyone in her Catholic world lest she be accused of being a witch.

THEN THERE WAS NO MOUNTAIN

     When my life fell apart--when my first marriage, my relationship with my beautiful son, and my healing work, all crumbled at once--I lost everything I had loved and valued except for my powerful desire to be a conscious and whole being.
     In spite of the chaos of my life, I managed to stay in school and earn my Ph.D. During this same time, I also began to experiment with LSD. It was still legal at the time and was being touted in many of the scientific journals as a powerful therapeutic tool that would allow the patient to access more profound levels of awareness. I wanted to use it in my healing practice.
     But then, when LSD was made illegal and the Jungians continued to hassle me about my personal use, I decided to give up on being a psychotherapist and to drop out instead. I left LA soon after this, moving to Berkeley to live with the other acid adventurers. I traveled a lot in those days too and lived as much as I could in the high mountains. I entered extraordinary reality.
     During this time, I went through a profound death and rebirth experience. My consciousness and my life style altered radically. I learned so much. I learned a lot about relationship and family and how it could be between men and women. I saw how we ordinary folks could take care of ourselves if we were organized. We wouldn't need government then. Government would become redundant and irrelevant. I became interested in community organizing and cycles of social and spiritual change.
     This journey through the darkest night of my soul led me upon some very strange and unexpected adventures. In particular, it led me back into the body that I had fled from when I had been that dying little boy. It led me back into life. It also led me to the magic and Spirit that I had always been searching for in all the books I had been reading. In particular, it led me to understand that, when I was in the Tao, I was one with Spirit.

NOW THERE IS THE MOUNTAIN

     When the mountain returned, when I met my wife Aspen and began to reenter ordinary reality, I had been stripped bare by my past. I was returning to the world as naked as a newborn. But now I was strong and able to stay in the here and now of the Tao.
     When Aspen and I first met, I was still raising my young daughter Ariana. Aspen became an instant mother then, but without the experience of motherhood. So after Ariana grew up and left home, Aspen and I wanted to enjoy being without the responsibility of children for awhile. We wanted to travel. Mostly, we wanted to see what had happened to our relationship during all those years we had been Ariana's parents together.
     After several years of traveling, we ended up in Tucson, Arizona. I was drawn to the desert. There was a side of myself that wanted to wander off from the world of man and become one with Spirit. But my love for Aspen was stronger. She and I decided that we had lived on the loose long enough. We had been together for almost fourteen years. The energy between us was still very intense. We still had something important to do together. We were ready to start a family.
     Really, the greatest challenge that life can offer us is to find a partner we can love, someone we want to spend the rest of our life with, raising a family together. Our son Callahan, now over three years old, and his baby brother Jake are the results of our loving response to this challenge.
     This time around, as a new dad, my greatest spiritual challenge will be to stay strong and healthy into my 90's or beyond. Actually, I'm shooting for 111. I want to be the best dad I can be. I want to raise these two boys to be good men. I want to always be here for them. I also want them to see me in relation to the larger world. I want them to be proud of me. I want them to see me leaving my mark upon the world. I want them to see me finally saying my piece.

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