THE BEGINNING

      He's doing LSD for the first time ever. Mike and Neal, good friends from school, are guiding him. They've already done it several times themselves. His wife Pamela is here too. He is excited yet somewhat apprehensive as he comes onto the acid.

      Soon however, he's having a great time. Outside in the yard, a beautiful deep red rose entrances him. He hangs out with it for a long while, watching it pulsate and glow.

      He must be having too much fun, because before long Mike and Neal and Pamela are all doing acid with him. It's wonderful. He's never been this open and sane in all his life.

      At one point he has an image of himself wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase, looking very competent and professional. He realizes that this image has come to compensate for his present, one-sided view of himself as a beginning hippie. More importantly, he realizes that this image is encouraging him to continue with his studies and finish school, to do it right.

      Soon after this, he looks over at Pamela who's sitting on their son's bed. She's crying, and he knows it's because she's realizing how cold and unloving she's been to their son and how much it has hurt him.


      At her suggestion, he and Pamela had separated the past summer for several months. They're back together for now. He wants to continue their marriage, but she's not so sure.

      In fact, two months after this trip, just before Christmas, she asks him to move out again, this time for good. He finds an apartment nearby and begins to pick up the pieces of his shattered life. He does continue in school, thanks partly to that powerful image of himself that he had on acid. He changes his major though, from philosophy to psychology. He also continues to work as a skilled programmer with the engineering department. He has a few good friends, and he loves his son very much.

      He's alone in his apartment a lot. More than once, he despairs and wants to kill himself, yet each time he decides not to, as he realizes that he is taking care of himself and that there will still be life after all this hurt.


      He struggles to maintain his ties with consensual reality. However, in spite of his work and his studies, in spite of his love for his son, and in spite of being in Jungian analysis, he begins to go over the edge. He draws mandalas every day, trying to stay centered and sane. He does manage to stay centered and sane, but he still goes over the edge.