GONE FOR HOURS

      He dropped some acid earlier this afternoon. He almost decided not to, feeling it was too late in the day. But he went ahead with it anyway. And here he is, hours later, still coming on.


      He keeps losing it.... Or does he? He's seeing that he puts on a fucking show all the time. No, He's seeing.... God, it keeps coming too fast to write down.

      The Main Thing: The two darts that always seem to land outside the circle are the important ones. No matter how well he puts himself together, there will always be those two darts outside the circle of his known self. And they're the only ones that really count! It's from them that all new growth will come.

      What are they then? (SCREAM!!!)


      He sits back from his patients. He's too old and decrepit, too clumsy and cowardly. He is so - even if he doesn't want to be. He should jump on his patients - or shit on them. What is he writing? He can't mean any of this.

      Ha! A laugh that says, "oh, yeah?" A laugh that sees always behind the staged scene.

      He likes who he is right now - this chaotic, confused welter of everything. He's everything all at once, constantly and kaleidoscopically changing. His way, if there were such a way, would be to always be as he is right now.


      Now he's remembering back to earlier in the trip, when he was literally out of his head. At first, he was in a room with big glass windows all around, a lighthouse. Suddenly, a fierce wind came up, breaking through all the glass, and then he was no more.

      For several hours, until Karen came home, he was an animal, eating and being eaten, fucking and being fucked. He was at the molecular level too and inside his genitals, feeling it all from the inside. He wallowed around in his body for hours, enjoying it immensely. He didn't exist at all. There was no ego, no mind, no focused consciousness, not for hours - just awareness, sensations, hungers, fears, and desires.


      When the windows fell inwards, the glass shattering about him, and he left his mind behind, he wondered briefly if he would ever return, if he would ever be himself again. Yet here he is, and although he is changed, he's still himself.

      He did return. Why not go again?