HIS FATHER

      Still tripping, he realizes that his relationship with his father is one of his main problems. He realizes that he has fought against his father and his fearful ways all his life.

      He has acted out this conflict that he's had with his father with everyone in authority - especially with each of his commanding officers in the Air Force during his years as a flying officer in the Strategic Air Command. Later, he did the same at UCLA, fighting with the chairman of the Philosophy department.

      He's done this with every male boss he's ever had. Even today, he's still fighting his father, either directly or indirectly through others. However, he's finally beginning to realize that he needs to grow up now and be a man himself, honest about whom he is, without worrying about what his father or other men might think of him.

      The single passion still lurking in his heart, still obscuring his reason, is his anger at his father. It goes way back. He has to reclaim and own this anger. Then he can forgive his father and move on. He's especially angry with his father for never accepting him for himself, for always wanting him to be just like he was. Until he's dealt with this old pattern between them, he'll continue to be unconsciously forced, over and over again, into fighting with men in authority. In fact, it's going on right now with the Jungians, who certainly aren't encouraging him to be himself.


     He's back home now, reading the Hexagram Breakthrough in the I Ching. He sees that his father is "the inferior man in a high position," the one to overthrow - or to be left behind.

      At this time in his life though, it's not so much his father who needs to be overthrown as it is all those ways in which he's become like his father, either because of his early imprinting upon him or else because of the trips his father laid on him as he grew up. When he has finally left all this behind, when he no longer needs such strong anger against a man who is no longer central to his life, then he'll be able to be his own man, free to be himself without worrying about what others might think.