THE LIGHTHOUSE

      Still coming onto the acid....

      His greatest fear is that people will find out he's crazy. He worries about this so much that he's never really himself.


      It's stronger now....

      Can he bring any of this back? Whatever it is in himself that has lured him here to this uncanny world of acid, his goal should be to bring it back to the ordinary world. He doesn't know if he can do this alone.

      It will be a colossal task just to map this new world, this new level of awareness. But maybe he is crazy. Maybe he has always been. It would make an interesting story; how the seeds were planted, how he was led to this point of believing that there is a new state of awareness and that he was to be a bridge between the old world and the new.

      This is where he's at in his deepest reaches. He's a therapist himself, and he doesn't even know whether he's crazy or not. Can he function with this?

      It comes down to whether he's insane or someone ahead of his time. Can he trust his visions or not? When he look into the mirror, he sees an anguished prophet of old. The cross that tortures him so is this very question - is he insane or a man of vision? He cries out, "God, where are you leading me? Is it even you leading?"

      Later, walking on the beach, he sees the Lighthouse. He sees how the ocean will win, how it will eventually undermine the Lighthouse's foundations and bring it down. He's glad. He wants it down. He walks between it and the angry sea now. The sea isn't his enemy. It is his friend, and it will be here long after the Lighthouse is gone. The sea is with him, as are the people coming with the sea - half animals, half gods. Myth? Fantasy? Perhaps not.


      The Lighthouse is like his ego, his light in consciousness. He wants it to come down, undermined by the world of the unconscious. He wants room in his life for the rest of himself - for both the animal and the spiritual sides of himself. His vision is myth and fantasy, sure, but it's his myth and his fantasy.

      He's going through a death and rebirth experience now - a psychotic break in consciousness, the professionals would say. He's doing so to allow for new growth, trusting in the essential wholeness of his being, trusting that whoever emerges from the darkness within himself will be a better person than he's been able to be so far in his life.