THE GUIDE

      He's still tripping, still very high.

     Earlier, even before he began, he decided that he needed an inner guide, an image of masculinity that he could relate to in order to develop his own. He's been reading Nikos Kazantzakis, the author of Zorba the Greek and The Last Temptation of Christ. He's also been reading Ken Kesey, the author of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Both of these men are rebels who have managed to transcend the limitations placed upon them by society. Kesey, in addition, is very much into acid. He's really attracted to both of them, especially to their energy and their style.


      Now, at this midpoint in his trip, he's seeing that he does, in fact, have an inner guide. He can feel him within himself. Let this inner guide loose. Let him tear wholes out of the old, renting it out for the new that's coming. There's a wild man loose within him, a joyful and powerful one. That's for sure. What will this wild man do? What will he do? He certainly won't just copy Kazantzakis or Kesey. He won't do what they have done. He won't make the mistake of imitating Christ, that sort of thing. He'll just be himself.

      He's also seeing how he's all of it, not just Kazantzakis and Kesey. He's Nixon and Reagan too, all those frightened and controlling ones. He really has trouble now acknowledging this side of himself, yet it's him too.


     All his life, he's been hungry, but he's never known for what. Then something happened. He felt powerful waves of it coming with Stan when he visited, back then in those days when he was still with Pamela, powerful vibes from the longhairs and acid and Haight Street. Ever since then, he's been striving to connect to the source of this wild, primordial flow.

      He's doing so now. It's not really Kesey or any of the other acid hippies. They aren't the source. The source is acid itself, God's magical way of transforming consciousness, of bringing to life all of the reality that's within a person. Kesey and the hippies are just mirrors, letting him see his own wild, untamed, animal masculinity.


      He's been afraid of taking acid very often. Today though, his inner guide, looking somewhat like Kesey, says that it's really okay to take it whenever he wants. "What would happen," his guide goes on to say, "if you took acid whenever you want? What would happen? Do you know yet? If you don't know, try it and see." His inner guide is asking him to ignore his fears and instead to be in touch with himself, to do acid whenever he feels like doing it, trusting himself. This is a new concept for him - trusting himself.