WEREWOLF

     Excuse me, Miss. You look so familiar. I'm certain we haven't met, but I feel like I know you.
     No, that's not a line. I'm not up to making moves on anyone today, even pretty as you are. Something happened to me last night and I'm still a little traumatized, kind of helpless, sort of out of it.
     Yeah, I'm okay. I was just walking my dog, trying to sort out the confusion when I saw you. And you look like an old friend, someone who might understand. I'm sorry. I'll go away if that's what you'd like.
     Norman. And my dog here is Trixie. See, she's offering you her paw. What's yours?
     That's a pretty name. I don't think I've heard it before. Maya, can I talk to you? Do you have some time?
     Thanks. But it won't take all day. That is, if I just knew where to start. Okay: A few years ago this old farmer and I were sitting around relaxing. He's the kind of guy that's down to earth as mud when it's raining. He was explaining that crops planted when the moon is waxing thrive but hardly even sprout if the moon is waning. Today I've been thinking about that a lot. Do you know anything about unusual lunar influences on the mind and heart?
     Yeah, last night. I know! And I've heard when the moon is full, emergency rooms get full too. They say it's always a pretty intense time. More babies being born, accidents, violent crime. Why do you think that would be so?
     That's okay. I didn't think you would. You don't know me, but I'm never like this. Instead of Norman, some of my friends call me Normal or The Norm. And I guess that fits. We live pretty ordinary lives, me and Trix. Watch this. Trixie, sit! Here's a treat to balance on your nose! Don't move yet! Stay! Now wait till I say okay! Okay! Good dog! She's so smart. I taught her that in about an hour.
     How? Approval and disapproval, the same way we were taught in school And she's so eager to please. Like I was. I was addicted to getting A's. But my major's in the humanities. The one degree that doesn't pay. Who cares what you know about literature and the arts? So I had to start in entry level management.
     At Betty's Exclusive Unique Boutique. Easy stuff. You know, the pay's not great. But I get by. I'm still waiting for something better to come along. What about you?
     Really? Have you put out any albums? Will you sing me a song?
     No, of course I didn't mean right here and right now. Right now I should be at work. But I called in sick. The first day Trixie and I have missed in three years.
     Yep. I started bringing her in when she was a tiny pup. She's friendly with everyone and always ready to play. Without fail, if anyone even glances in her direction, she starts wagging her tail. And she loves showing off, performing tricks.
     Mostly Shepard with some Golden Retriever and Chow in the mix. She's always so sweet and polite. Except last night! Oh, damn! I can't believe that happened! It was too bizarre! Can you listen? Do you mind?
     Okay! Yes! I'm calm! You see, early last night it had just gotten dark. . . No, that's not right. It wasn't really dark because of the moon. It was almost like daylight, but more faded and lots of shadows on the ground. We went for a walk around some woods and meadows way out in a rural area. We've never done that before at night. With a full moon. We were coming back from my brother's on the scenic route when Trixie started moaning and I knew she had to get out to pee. So I pulled off on the shoulder of the road and we walked along this grassy hill down to the woods. Everything's normal still. Are you with me so far?
All right. Now the first sign of something odd was when we entered the forest. Trixie ran ahead of me onto the path, stopped, held her nose up and sniffed the air. She shook all over and ruffled her fur so that it puffed out more than I'd ever seen before. She loped ahead of me with a sort of wild animal grace. Then her ears went straight up. She was listening to a movement in the dark. And suddenly she let out this one really deep bark and just took off chasing some creature into the night! I called, "Trixie! Come here!" But by then she was gone!
     Yes! I'm a little excited, that's all. I heard her running off, crashing through the undergrowth with the sounds of the chase getting farther and farther away. "Trixie!" I shouted, "Sit! Stay!" I started jogging along the path in the direction she'd gone. Then I heard a scream and a moan. No, it was more of a roar and a growl. Definitely not Trixie. A wild animal cornered and ready to fight to the death! I ran so fast I couldn't catch my breath to call Trixie's name. Then all at once I came to a clearing. And there in the pale light of the moon, Trixie was eating a freshly killed raccoon!
     I didn't know what to do! The raccoon's blood was smeared on Trixie's face and there was raccoon fur all over the place. Trixie was in a low crouch, tearing flesh from the raccoon's belly. "Trixie! Sit!" I started yelling. When she ignored me, I took a step closer and said, "Bad dog! Sit!" She turned and snarled at me and bared her teeth. Holy shit! You should have seen the look in her eyes!
     How did I feel? Well, I was a little afraid. But more than anything, I was amazed. I was in awe of the power she'd found. You could see it in her face! She'd reverted to some canine instinct more profound than training or breeding. She'd gone back to her roots, become a wolf! And one of her ears was bleeding! Do I sound kind of freaked?
     Well, you ain't heard nothing yet! In fact, this is where things really got strange! I was pumping so much adrenaline, I must have been a little deranged. But looking at her, I started to feel as though I had roots too, instincts that I'd always ignored, intimations that in the past had only come through in dreams. And I was drawn to those urges. I just fell into them like a drunken sailor falling overboard into the sea. Or like a sleeping giant that came suddenly awake and suddenly was me!
     Hey, that's funny. No, I didn't join in her raccoon feast. But I could suddenly see that the trees around me were alive, not just maples and evergreens but conscious breathing beings! And I could feel the forest pulsating with energy in a rhythm made up by all these wild and growing things. Just as the crickets and cicadas were reaching a crescendo, a moth flew into the clearing with moonlight on its wings.
     Yes, it was beautiful. And I knew I belonged there. I was one with it all. But my shirt was constricting my chest and back. So I took it off. Then my shoes became heavy and every article of clothing I wore irritated me in this way or that. I couldn't get naked fast enough. My senses were wide open. I was entirely awake! These rushes of joy kept sweeping over me in waves and in between the joy I was enraged that I'd spent my whole life like a bird in a cage. My emotions were so high pitched that I had no choice. I just started to run!
     Nowhere. Just running naked, barefoot along a path of earth and stone while everything around me in the moonlight shone. Each stride was like flying, even when I left the path and ran between bushes and trees. It felt almost like slow motion. Suddenly, Trixie was trotting beside me, still wild and bloody from her kill. She glanced up at me as we raced together down a hill. What passed between us in that look said more than all my beliefs and opinions. Trixie was no longer in my dominion. We were equals, inseparable allies in intimate flight through the cool night air. I don't know where I got the stamina, but we must have run that way for an hour or more.
     Yes, it breaks my heart that it's over. Maybe I shouldn't tell you this part, but the whole time I had an erection that was like made of steel. I didn't need to do anything about it. But I loved the strength it made me feel.
     If you'd been there you would have what?
     Damn! I wasn't sure I'd heard you right! That would have been perfect!
     That's true. It was perfect even so and I knew it then. The reason I'm coming apart today is because. . . because I've become the old me again.
     No, I won't. I'll never really be the same. Now I know that Trixie's a werewolf. And what I am doesn't have a name.
     A wereman? Are you saying I reverted to being truly human? Then what am I now? That's my problem.
     I don't understand. What do you mean? What garments rub the wrong way between my senses and my dreams?
     Let me get this straight. You think I've become conscious of a tightly woven fabric of conditioned responses? No, wait! You think I'm terrified by a single glimpse of my own naked innocence?
     Yes. Yes, I believe you're right. I've been a well-trained monkey that spends its days cleverly racing through a circular maze. I seem to be stuck in this role that was handed to me at birth. If I could just be free again like I was last night it would be worth. . .
     Yes, worth everything!
     Now? Okay, sure! Of course! Where should we go?

(c)2004 Samuel Beast
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You may visit his website at www.samuelbeast.com